What Happens When You: Work, Date, And Try To Stay Away From Crazies
It all goes horribly wrong.
Me: "Ugh my roommate never wears shirts or pants. I mean, he works out 3.5 hours a day, so he is buff, but like it's still gross."
Sister: "Yeah, my boyfriend was laying around the bed without a shirt and I was so disgusted. And he had all this hair just sticking straight up that looked like those troll dolls. So I asked him if I could push a gem into his belly button so I could rub his tummy and make a wish. He got a shirt on immediately and went and got a haircut." Me: "God, you are brilliant."
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Look at our company's classy response back to thievery.
Seriously Though - Who steals an old cast iron, heavy patio table, leaves the chairs (probably to steal later), and replaces it with this junk? Like why bother with the effort?! WEIRDO ALERT As I have overheard my other roommate, naked yogi, to his friend: "It's really unhealthy. Him and his chick are in his room for 7 hours, resurface for food and go back in... I mean really, after half an hour I am done, I got sh*t to do."
Wise words, my friend. Wise words. Can you tell how much hate I have right now? My mother last night when I called her:
"You know, honey, becoming a lesbian wouldn't be settling. Just so you know." Me (bug eyed looking at my phone): "What the?!... Thank you, I guess?!" Moral of the story: My mother is 1) oddly progressive for someone who is super conservative in nature and 2) super desperate for me to find someone, anyone. She is trying to rationalize why I am still single - I guess she thought maybe I wasn't comfortable talking about my supposed sexual orientation? Yeah last time I checked I still liked guys, but glad I have her blessing Seriously, you couldn't read it said first and second class (mail) on it? The International Air label didn't give you warning signs?! And that old school kitchen scales had scooped/cup rather than a flat top? His mind was blown. Only he would put a mail scale in the kitchen... Part of me was at least proud he let me chuck the rusting thing. Baby steps My look to him.
I was in the middle of taking an excruciatingly hard 6 hour exam, and during the break I decided to walk down a road to grab a sandwich. Most people stayed at the testing site, but I wanted to be different than the herd... why do I do this to myself. While grabbing my sandwich, outside, I definitely saw a tourist lying on sidewalk. Firemen came, tried to hook stuff up to her. They put a yellow sheet over her... Yeah, none responsive... They cart her away. I am pretty sure she was dead. Anyways this isn't the first time I have seen a dead body (just in different cities). I am starting to think I am a magnet for that creepy stuff. And I still had 3 hours of exam time left to deal with. So yeah, how to make bad day worse, just come with me. On the way home, I took the bus, and since they were doing work on the transit tunnel, we had to use the street level to get back. We passed a big he/she (? not sure which one) in a long purple dress with a cross the size of a street sign over his/her shoulder with what looked to be a mob with him/her. Next to that was a fight between two homeless men with dodgy people placing bets. All I could think was I JUST WANT TO GO BACK ACROSS THE RIVER TO MY SAFE PLACE WITH MY EXHIBITIONIST ROOMMATE AND MY OVERLY LOUD SEX NOISE ROOMMATE. So in conclusion: There are worst than living with these people. I guess I should appreciate them more... I was minding my own business and I turn around and I see my roommate leisurely walking to his room NAKED from the shower. He was all Botticelli Venus de Milo about it all - calmly posing with what looked to be his underwear in front of him, but I saw enough. It's like I burned my retinas.
And Insult upon injury - I KNOW HIS TOWEL WAS IN THE BATHROOM WHERE HE TOOK HIS SHOWER!!! Has he been doing this everytime he has showered and I haven't noticed!? When Dorothy said," There is no place like home", she was tripping. I am all about running out of my house with my heels on fire! |
AubreyA girl trying to enjoy life on the West Coast without any worries, but odd things just keep happening. Archives
November 2016
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