What Happens When You: Work, Date, And Try To Stay Away From Crazies
It all goes horribly wrong.
When Your Sister Decides To Go Traveling With You Because Her Horoscope Told Her It Was Meant To Be11/19/2016 ![]() I like how I find out my sister is coming with me on my "I'm still trying to find myself by going on a solo backpacking trip through Europe" via her emailed travel itinerary. This is what I get for sending my family my airplane bookings and a very brief note about what I am doing. UPDATE: MY MOTHER HAS DECIDED SHE IS COMING TOO (again, another one to not consult me on this) AND HAS BOOKED HER FLIGHTS. Clearly something got lost in translation when I said I was going to go on a coming of age (cough 30) trip and spend time by traveling via the Euro Rail and staying in hostels. On the bright side: 1) This way I am not staying in hostels. 2) I won't get weird by being alone too long because I won't have time to be alone. 3) Even though my sister and mother rerouted my whole trip to go places they want to see, they bought my plane tickets within Europe so we don't have to deal with trains at all. So I don't have to worry about pickpockets or sleeping on trains. Clearly, I can be bought, The only person who hasn't jumped on board is my father... Probably because he is scheming for free bachelor pad like housing and car at my sister's place while we are gone. My family is so sneaky.
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SO SO SOOOO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS.
I get a facebook messenger request from this 36 year old lady, who is a family friend's daughter. I haven't seen or spoken to this lady in over 20 years. Lady: "Hi, it's been a while. I think I have something of your's." Me, super confused, because I haven't had any contact with her or her family in a very, very long time: "Hi, yes it has been. What's up." Lady: "Can I have your address, I want to ship you something." Me in my mind - "Heck, no. I am not giving you my address. This sounds like a scam - is this even her?!" Me via iMessage: "Whatever it is don't worry about it. Just please recycle whatever it is." Lady: "It is a notebook. I'd like to send it to you." Me: "I appreciate it, but don't worry about it." Lady: "Are you sure?" Me (I'm thinking why is she being so persistent. It must be a scam): "All good here, thank you, but honestly don't worry about it." Lady: "Your mother sent my 2 year old daughter this notebook. I think it is your diary from 2005." Me in my mind - F*CK! That sounds like something my mother would do. Me:"PLEASE RECYCLE IT." Lady: "Are you sure? I know diaries can be sentimental." Me: "That was my diary either my last year of high school or my first year of college. I don't want to know what I was like back then. PLEASE RECYCLE." Lady: " Okay no worries, just wanted to make sure. We will use this journal, thanks!" Me in my mind - GAAHHHHH!!!!! 1) Why is my mother regifting an 11 year old notebook?!?!?!?!?!?! 2) Why didn't she at least skim through it before sending it 3) How did she even know it was my diary? Let alone know it was a diary and the date - AKA SHE READ IT. 4) Whatever I was doing my last year of high school or first year of college - NO ONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. 5) Why are you going to reuse the notebook when I say throw it the eff out?! 6) Lady's sister who is my age was going to visit her that week (she told me that in a later text): I would totally be reading the diary out with her and laughing. I emailed my mother after and told her going forward before she regifts something she should really verify if it is something that can be regifted. Her response, "Oops. It's okay because I am old and older people do these things." GAH! Why is my family so good at saying, "Sorry, not sorry." This on top of my mother reading my Apple text messages when I was between the ages of 23-28 via an iPad I gave her with my log in (so she could buy whatever she wanted). When you are logged into an iPad you can get all your texts through there as well since they are linked. I always wondered why she asked such odd questions when I would talk about things via text. MYSTERY SOLVED. Like I need to get over the fact I don't have any privacy. I think I should take up drinking soon. Yep, this was two weeks after my dad's heart surgery operation. See the interest in chocolate and her diet class (she is 108 pounds....)... She also brought up the chocolate again in an email before I found out my dad was in the hospital again (which I only found out because I called my dad because I couldn't get a hold of her for something random)..
ER visit for 4 days - no biggie in her book. Yes. That is brilliant idea. Now a guy who has a heart condition and with no short term memory is left propped up next to some photos not knowing where he is and can't speak.
Getting my dad a dog tag for Xmas say, "Help! I'm lost! Please call ____." My mother last night when I called her:
"You know, honey, becoming a lesbian wouldn't be settling. Just so you know." Me (bug eyed looking at my phone): "What the?!... Thank you, I guess?!" Moral of the story: My mother is 1) oddly progressive for someone who is super conservative in nature and 2) super desperate for me to find someone, anyone. She is trying to rationalize why I am still single - I guess she thought maybe I wasn't comfortable talking about my supposed sexual orientation? Yeah last time I checked I still liked guys, but glad I have her blessing What My Friend's Mother Sent Her As A Holiday Email: My Conclusion - All Mother's Are The Same12/26/2014 Mom: "Cute necklace, what are you going to put in locket?"
Me: "My BFF. A picture of Teddy Bear Power of course!" Mom: "...." To be fair, my teddy bear is awesome. And we wonder why she thinks I am either 1) a closet lesbian (since I can't find a guy to put in the locket) 2) never going to be able to date anyone or 3) just really odd. I am pretty sure she thinks daily to herself,"Where did I go wrong?" She wanted to know if I was because I was, she wanted to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Yes, because I have no ring on or a baby stroller, or talked about babies, and I am shopping at this tween store. Never wearing yoga pants and a big sweater to mall ever again... She basically told me I had a mom outfit on. I should start going to Talbot's or LL Bean where I belong.
But let's be honest, when you are 15 years old (the employee), you think anyone over the age of 19 is old as dirt. So fair enough, but still - OUCH! You know they have those sites about people of Walmart, we may need to start one about workers for Forever21. She sends us a couple of herself every week...
The power of smartphones: With great power comes a great mass amount of wasted email space. |
AubreyA girl trying to enjoy life on the West Coast without any worries, but odd things just keep happening. Archives
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