What Happens When You: Work, Date, And Try To Stay Away From Crazies
It all goes horribly wrong.
It's like guys have this sixth sense as to when a girl is moving on. The ones who want to keep you as a benchwarmer creep back like clock work.
Seriously, it has been like crickets for months and just when I am ready to get back out there - everyday has been like a new text from an unsaved number as if we know each other. ACK! I don't have time for people who are just sniffing about - The 2018 Me is too fabulous for playing games (am also too old)!
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When Your Friends Raise The Age Range On Your Tinder And You Wonder Where All The Cute Guys Went1/24/2018 So casual that you think that they will message after a couple of weeks and it is normal... Whomp, apparently I got ghosted! I'm a little slow on the uptake.
Will need to wait to have that info sink in... NAH. I am way too cool for this. The homeless guy lifts his cup as I walk by and he was like: "Do you have any mo.... oh (pity face)".
'Cuse me?! He may have made a point, but still.... Yeah, I went in and ate that cake and left. I didn't even mess.
Event Host: "You started a trend! People are finally eating the cake!" Me: "Dat was all me." Event Host: "..." No shame in my game. When The Indoor Cats You Are Cat Sitting For Escape! Look At What These Evil Genuises Did!12/29/2017 Holy shit I am the worst cat sitter ever. The two cats escaped and I didn't realize it for a full day! They were outside for at least 8 hours and I had to fess up to it because the owners had their cat cam on so they could totally see the negligence! In the morning I fed the two cats and opened the porch door for them so they could get some fresh air. After twenty minutes I did all the cat cleaning duties and closed the porch without hearing any of the cats. I was like "Man, it is so quiet in here, well will leave some food out just in case." I trotted off to the museum and cafe (b/c treat yo self). Got back all relaxed and the cat food was still there (that NEVER happens). First things that come to mind when I started overthinking: "Omg, the cats got catnapped - Shit these cats are this couple's life, I will pay whatever the damn ransom is." "Omg, I may have to put up Lost Cat Signs and all I have for photos are me making dumb faces or doing really juvenile things with the cats. It's going to be all over this neighborhood- how embarrassing!" I was like I only opened the porch today like usual, but the screen was there. Looked at the screen and was like "WTH!!! I didn't hear them make that huge hole! And they jumped through that! It wasn't as if it was low to the ground!" Oh course I start screeching their names and they come trotting up the stairs and swishing their tails like they didn't do anything wrong. I chased after both of them like a crazy lady and hustled them back into the house like I was guarding two wayward celebrities. Look at the pic - not one feeling of remorse coming from that cat. Who knew I had any maternal bones in my body. I legit lectured them for a full hour about the dangers they put themselves in by going through the screen and escaping (they could have been eaten by coyotes or picked up by hawks!). I swear to god one of them rolled their eyes at me (and the owners say she doesn't know her name - oh no, she knows! Just super manipulative). And the other one is pictured below - yeah just strutted in and started taking a nap on my brand new (ungodly expensive) jacket like no big deal. Yeah... that's cool and all. Little do they know their porch fresh air privileges have been revoked - my mothering style: crime and punishment >=)
When Your Friends Ask You About You Dating The United Nations Of Men And What The Situation Is Now12/15/2017 My United Nations Crumbled Like the USSR!!!!!
They all disappeared this month - like December has become the new Bermuda triangle. Ghosts of months past! Poof gone! Well, it's all good. I was planning on sending a letter to all of them saying, "I'm sorry, none of you made it to my 2018 list", but guess I can save some paper now! I want to hibernate and gym because being social is exhausting and I worked a little too hard on my winter bod during the holidays. But below is how I plan to spend the rest of 2017 :D SO excited! Personal Trainer: "Why do you think you need the gym."
Me: "Because I am lonely." Personal Trainer, after an awkward silence: "Oh, so you mean you need an accountability partner." Smiles awkwardly and hopefully. Me: "Yeah, no. I meant what I said. I'm trying to starve off loneliness by being near people, but that doesn't mean I want to interact with anyone." And that was the last time they tried to get me to sign up for services or even talk to me. I'm a leper :) After many hours (and quarters later) of laundry, cleaning, and throwing out 1/3 of my stuff, I haven't gotten bitten again (so far)! Phew - fingers crossed!
I was starting to get super paranoid. I really wanted to just burn everything to ground. Not so secretly, I still want to burn this hellhole down. |
AubreyA girl trying to enjoy life on the West Coast without any worries, but odd things just keep happening. Archives
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